Funny Christmas Jokes

How many gifts can Santa squeeze in an empty stocking?


One. It’s not empty after the first one.
Christmas is cancelled

I told Santa you have been good the whole year

He died of laughter
An honest politician, a hard-working civil servant and Santa Claus find a 100 dollar bill. Who gets to keep it?


Santa does, the other two are not real
Last Christmas I gave you my heart...


Well - that was the end of me... no one can survive without a heart
This is the fifth year in a row that my in-laws have come over for Christmas


Maybe we should let them in this time
What's invisible and smells like milk and cookies?

Santa’s burps


What's invisible and does NOT smell like milk and cookies?

Santa’s farts
At Christmas, mother says to Little Johnny, "Go on and light up the Christmas tree Johnny."


Johnny runs off happily and comes back after a while, asking, "Should I light up the candles, too?"
Where would Santa hide gifts for his elves?


In his clauset
Where does Santa send the elves wages?


To the snow bank
Why do spies hate Christmas?


Because they don't like giving away their presence
How do we know Santa is a man?


No woman would wear the same outfit for so many years in a row
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes in Christmas wrapping paper


When your child misbehaves, toss one into the fire
Walking down the street at Christmas I wonder if we celebrate the birth of Jesus...


or of General Electric
What do you call an old snowman?


Puddle
Dear Santa, this year I really don’t need you to bring me anything


Could you possibly just take away my mother in law?
Santa throughout our lives

1. You believe in Santa

2. You don't believe in Santa

3. You pretend to be Santa

4. You look like Santa without even trying
Mum, are we going to have Grandpa for Christmas?


No, darling, Just the turkey
What keeps falling but never gets hurt?


Snow
What do you get when you make a snowman really angry?


Frothy the Snowman
What do snowmen do in their spare time?


Chill
What does a bald guy say when you give him a comb for Christmas?


Oh thanks… I'll never part with it
Which type of donuts does Santa prefer?



The ones with the ho-ho-hole
How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?


He felt his presents!
The office Christmas party
is a great opportunity to catch up
with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes
Yo mama so stupid someone said Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it
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JOKES FOR ADULTS
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