Funny Diet Jokes

I'm on a seafood diet

When i see food i eat it
When you realize you treated the entire weekend as a cheat day but now ur addicted and you might need help
I weighed myself today

It's clear that I am too small for my weight
A balanced diet

is chocolate in both hands
Diet day 1

I have removed all the bad food from the house

It was delicious
Want to look thinner?

Hang out with fat people
If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate...

would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate?
My doctor told me to eat more greens

so i went on a dye it
When you get up for a second plate and someone says "thought u were dieting?"
Me: I'm gonna start eating healthy

Also me: Treat yourself one last time, you deserve it
Haven't you already eaten?

Be quiet!
And a diet coke please

I don't want to get fat
Day 2 of my diet and i'm like

I ate the wall
Walking down the junk food aisle like...
When people ask how my diet is going
Day 2 of eating healthy

Still the same. Absolutely appalled.
Remember diet remember diet remember diet
How i feel during a cheat meal
And a diet coke I don't want to get fat
Yeah, I'm into fitness. Fit'ness whole burger in my mouth
See, it doesn't hurt. So, why does mommy always cry when she steps on it
What do you call someone who can't stick with a diet?

A desserter.
Nutrition facts are useless, just show me how long I have to be at the gym if I eat this.
"I really regret eating healthy today" - said no one ever
The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat

It’s watching what other people eat
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