Funny Friend Jokes

My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore...

So I sent him a
"Get well soon" card
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends' food looked like
A friend of mine died recently after drinking a gallon of varnish

It was a horrible end, but a lovely finish
My friends tell me I'm too condescending

That means I talk down to people
Math jokes

If you get them you probably don't have any friends
My ex-wife was deaf

She left me for a deaf friend of hers

To be honest, I should have seen the signs
Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card"

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents"
What is a meaning of a true friend?

One who remembers your birthday but not your age!
How do oysters call their friends?

On shell phones
Did someone order a best friend
Meet my three friends. Breakfast, lunch and dinner
Why did the triangle refuse to be friends with the circle?

Because it was pointless
What do you say to your single friends on Valentine's Day?

Happy Independence Day!
My friend gave me his Epi-Pen as he was dying

It seemed very important to him that I have it
I asked my North Korean friend what's it like to live there

He said he can’t complain
My friend told me that onions are the only food that makes you cry

So I threw an apple at his face
You might love your life, but I think it just wants to be friends
Friend: I wasn’t that drunk!

Me: Dude you asked your girlfriend if she was single
911: Hello, this is 911 emergencies, how may i help you?

Me: My friend is dead

911:Are you sure he is dead

Me: Let me check (gunshot)

Me: Yep
I always tell new hires, "Don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you"
Yo mama so ugly the forever alone guy denied her friend request
Please, tell me more about how she's just a good friend!
What’s better than a good friend?

A good friend with chocolate
Why did the two oceans become friends?

They kept waving at each other
Why should you keep your best friends forever?

They know too much
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