Funny Marriage Jokes

How is a marriage like a hot bath?

Once you get used to it,
it's not so hot
Yes pizza i will marry you
Love may be blind...

but marriage is a real eye opener
How guy's propose

On one knee

How girl's propose

"I'm pregnant!"
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months...

I don’t like to interrupt her
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
Married life

Any guess which one's the wife?
Married couples talk about dinner while cooking dinner

Talk about dinner while eating dinner

And talk about tomorrows dinner

"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

"I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it"
What is the number one cause of divorce?

Husband: I'm going to make you the happiest woman in the world

Wife: I'll miss you
Love is one long sweet dream

marriage is the alarm clock
Why are married women heavier than single women?

When single women come home they go to see what's in the fridge then go to bed

Married women come home, see what's in bed then go to the fridge
What are married men's two greatest assets?

A closed mouth and an open wallet
Daughter: "Mum, how long have you been married to dad?"

"Ten years."

"Oh, and how many do you still have left?"
What does marriage do?

Puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes
Husband: Wow darling, you look great today. Did you do something to your hair?

Wife: I’m over here!!!
I’m pretty sure I married someone else’s soulmate

If only they’d come around and take him off my hands
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her
My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I shop!
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished
If a mother is laughing at the fathers jokes, it means they have guests
My wife and I had a two hour fight about whether or not we were fighting
When a newly married woman smiles, all know why, but when a ten-years married woman smiles, all wonder why.
Get married early in the morning

That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day
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