All The Best Jokes From A To Z!

Winner of the  "that's not my job" award goes to
I wanted to lose 10 lbs. this year....

only 13 lbs. to go!
College is the opposite of kidnapping

They demand $100,000 from you or they'll send your kid back
I love the smell of fresh hair
Dude, I just peed on that
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer

I said, "No, wait! I can change"
I was your pilot
When your kids are little you're a superhero

When they're teens you're a super villain

After that, your only power is invisibility
Fear turns you into Jesus
The early bird gets the worm but the late worm gets to live
Did you know? The flame of a candle smells like burnt nose hair?
How did socialists light their homes before candles?

How do you make a candle burn longer?

You can’t, they only burn shorter
The flu has to get Chuck Norris shots once a year
They say that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare

Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true
My belt. My belt when i need to pee.
I got lost in your eyes

But I also get lost in most department stores, so I wouldn't read too much into it
I give this my seal of approval
You're like a candy bar

half sweet and half nuts
I was bored so I took up scrapbooking
I can't afford aromatherapy so I just randomly sniff stuff and hope
How do i put a stamp on this email
Why was school easier for cavemen?

Because they didn't have to study history
I was going to go running today but it looks like it might rain, so I better sit this one out
My annual performance review says I lack "passion & intensity"

guess management hasn't seen me alone with a Big Mac
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