Funny Santa Jokes

How many gifts can Santa squeeze in an empty stocking?

One. It’s not empty after the first one.
Christmas is cancelled

I told Santa you have been good the whole year

He died of laughter
An honest politician, a hard-working civil servant and Santa Claus find a 100 dollar bill. Who gets to keep it?

Santa does, the other two are not real
What's invisible and smells like milk and cookies?

Santa’s burps

What's invisible and does NOT smell like milk and cookies?

Santa’s farts
Where would Santa hide gifts for his elves?

In his clauset
Where does Santa send the elves wages?

To the snow bank
How do we know Santa is a man?

No woman would wear the same outfit for so many years in a row
Why does Santa use reindeer to pull his sleigh?

Because huskies can’t fly
Dear Santa, this year I really don’t need you to bring me anything

Could you possibly just take away my mother in law?
Santa throughout our lives

1. You believe in Santa

2. You don't believe in Santa

3. You pretend to be Santa

4. You look like Santa without even trying
Which type of donuts does Santa prefer?

The ones with the ho-ho-hole
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa
What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish
Yo momma is so short

When she went to meet Santa he said, "Get back to work!"
What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?

Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows
What goes "oh oh oh"?

Santa walking backwards
You are the reason Santa even has a naughty list
When you stop believing in Santa Claus

you start getting clothes for Christmas
Let's both be naughty this year and save Santa the trip
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?

You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Why does Santa have a really big umbrella?

Because of all the rain, dear…
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