Funny Today Jokes
I weighed myself today
It's clear that I am too small for my weight
Today I saw a baby with a shirt that said
"I'm what happened in Vegas"
Today is the first day of the rest of your life
but so was yesterday, and look how you messed that up
"What did you do at school today son?"
"I don’t really want to talk about it mom. You’ll see it later on the news anyway"
"I have a doctor’s appointment today but I really don’t want to go… "
"Just call in sick then"
Husband: Wow darling, you look great today. Did you do something to your hair?
Wife: I’m over here!!!
I've just signed up for an online dating site
Do you think it's rude to ask people to send a picture holding today's newspaper?
I texted my wife today saying "I love u"
She replied, "Oh, really? :)"
"Yes", i said, "it's my favorite vowel"
I always wanted to be just like my mother
Today I'm working on dramatically clutching my throat when I'm told the price of anything
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
Working at a Hospital is the worst, cause you can't call in sick
You: "Yeah, I can't come in today, I'm sick"
Boss: "Come on in, we'll check you out"
Do it tomorrow
You have made enough mistakes for today
I applied for a job today and they ask for three references
I wrote, "a dictionary, a Thesaurus, and a map."
JOKES FOR ADULTS
JOKEAZ © 2018
A - Z MENU