Funny Wife Jokes

A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."

Next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
My wife accused me of being immature.

I told her to get out of my fort.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing...

either the car is new or the wife is new
Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a bridge?

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo

I had to put my foot down
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months...

I don’t like to interrupt her
What's the easiest way to remember your wife's birthday?

Forget it once!
Phone rings..

Husband: If it's for me then say that I'm not at home

Wife answered: He's at home

Husband: What the?

Wife: It was for me
Every man has this look when his wife is driving
Married life

Any guess which one's the wife?
Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?

Because of his coffin
Husband: I'm going to make you the happiest woman in the world

Wife: I'll miss you
My wife came to me all happy, saying, "Look darling, you got me this 40 years ago on our honeymoon, and it still fits!"

It was a scarf
My wife’s driving test went surprisingly well yesterday. She got 7 out of 10.

3 managed to run to safety
Husband: Wow darling, you look great today. Did you do something to your hair?

Wife: I’m over here!!!
I like to show my wife who's the boss in our house

I do this by holding a mirror up to her face
I texted my wife today saying "I love u"

She replied, "Oh, really? :)"

"Yes", i said, "it's my favorite vowel"
My wife rang me at work on Valentine's Day

She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received bunches of flowers. They're absolutely gorgeous"

I said, "That's probably why they've been sent flowers then"
My wife complained about my obsession with golf

I asked her if it was driving a wedge between us
I send flowers "From Steve" to my neighbors wife every Friday night

then watch them fight from my living room window while eating popcorn
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her
My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I shop!
Quick. My wife is coming!
My wife and I had a two hour fight about whether or not we were fighting
For my wife's birthday, I bought her a fridge

I know it's not much, but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it
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